My Abnormal Normal

Luke 12:27-28  Think about those beautiful wild lilies growing over there.  They don’t work up a sweat toiling for needs or wants – they don’t worry about clothing.  Yet the great King Solomon never had an outfit that was half as glorious as theirs!  Look at the grass growing over there.  One day it’s thriving in the fields.  The next day it’s being used as fuel.  If God takes such good care of such transient things, how much more you can depend on God to care for you, weak in faith as you are.  (VOICE)

Do you find yourself cycling through episodes of anger, frustration, worry, fear?  I have. God’s word tells me that He takes care of me, so why couldn’t I just rest in that instead of wallowing in my emotions?

My first years of marriage were a dizzying combination of wonderful and horrible.  The mental illness of my stepson living with us provided a backdrop of constant tension in my mind, even though I was so very much in love with my wonderful godly husband, and I could see that he struggled with what to do about his adult son.

I sometimes felt like the grass mentioned in this scripture, thriving and growing one day and burning up with anger the next.  It go to be so usual, that it felt normal, and, to tell the truth, I was somewhat comfortable in this abnormal normal.  We can get that way, not liking where we are, but a bit fearful of change.

My faith seemed nonexistent at times, and I thought God had moved on, having better things to do than to once again deal with me, His incorrigible child.  I really wanted to be like the lily and not sweat or toil over trying to fix myself.

Am I the only one who has felt this way?

Truth be told, God’s love and care for me don’t depend upon the strength of my faith.  He knows my weak faith is as good as it gets at times, but He gently woos me back and teaches me how to grow more deeply in my walk with Him.

I still have ups and downs, but I look back and see how I have changed and, hopefully, matured in how I deal with those stresses.  And a bonus is that as I have changed, the way I see my stepson has changed.

My normal is actually improving.

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